Because I am insane and stubborn in a foreign land, because I have the mental agony of our ancestoral line - oh yes even the great apes of our past mourned sinisterly the abysmal tediousness of our terestrial struggle, and because I - condemed to a month or two of whorish and horrid sexual transactions - cannot but assume that to be female is to be fucked. I choose to care less each day about satisfying the prime drive. My ego lays devestated in the wake.
Oh my god, get away from me.
Nobody throws the bags on the floor and thrashes like a drying fish.
Nobody lies on the ground in defeat.
Nobody screams at the sight of my face and cries and pushes my wet cheek away.
Nobody says he loves me.
Nobody tackles me, drunk, in the heat of suicidal insanity.
Nobody tries to tell me that I don’t understand.
Nobody doesn’t understand that I understand that I don’t understand.
Nobody likes to hold me as I sleep.
Nobody doesn’t realize that his grip is literally crushing my lungs.
Nobody doesn’t realize that his words taste like ash and blood.
Nobody smokes too much for my lungs.
Nobody told me once that I have a beard.
Nobody is currently watching Chinese Spongebob in the other room
Nobody has punched holes in all the doors so I can hear it better than him from here.
Nobody told me I should only eat soup for a while.
Nobody doesn’t realize that I have been there and done that.
Nobody can’t give me a family or a glowing heart.
Nobody can’t make me smile.
Nobody tells me to lie to him.
Then Nobody tells me to never lie to him.
Nobody gets mad when I talk about my real love, my real dreams.
Nobody pouts like a six year old child.
Nobody doesn’t hear the ghost baby crying, the shuffling of feet, or the moving of loud groaning chairs.
Nobody tries to show me his Mandarin poetry as if I care.
Nobody brings out the worst in me.
Nobody tells me there is no gray.
Nobody tells me there is no black and white.
Nobody shakes hands from above and makes me feel embarrassed.
Nobody goes, “I’m a lucky man, this is my girl! This is my girl”
But I am not Nobody’s.
Nobody says that the man I love is controlling my thoughts like a professional mystic.
Nobody says the man I want to fuck is unavailable, and this I already know.
Nobody made me some medicine tea and put grape juice in it.
I hate him most for that.
I would rather eat food than drink sugar.
Nobody is so damn stupid.
Nobody is wiser than me.
Nobody gets angry and cannot control his rage, unless he channels it to destroying whatever is around him.
Nobody told me he hit his ex-girlfriend.
Nobody told me he would kill me if I left him.
Nobody tells me I am beautiful.
Nobody tells me I am ugly.
Nobody once commented on my beard.
Nobody has issues.
Nobody can do kung fu.
Nobody wants to be with me.
But I don’t want to be with Nobody.
Marie Pete Erato Spring 2013